Dear Hector,
As I sit here on the computer and see all this pictures and videos of you my heart once again breaks. I hate this feeling I feel every time I think of you I wish every time I think about you that it wouldn’t be this painful. I thought I should write to you this letter because I have a lot of things I wish I could tell you. So I thought a letter would be great.
You know your little brother came two months after you left. His such a good baby, happy all the time and hardly ever cries. I wish you could have been here I try to imagine how you were going to be as a big brother im sure you were going to be great! I’m sure you were going to be like any other kid your age who gets a new sibling a little bit jealous of not having mommy and daddy’s attention all the time. Even though once you got use to the idea of you little brother im sure you were going to big the best big brother in the world. He looks so much like you at times but he is also so different in many ways.
All I can do is wish that one day well be all together and you’ll get to meet him. For now all I can do is imagine you and him together in my dreams. How you guys were going to play together. People tell me that maybe you do come and play with him I wish I knew if you did or didn’t. only you and him know that. I hope you do though.
I want you to know that I love you very much and miss you more each day more then the other. It hurts me to think about everything you went threw in short life. So to that baby im sorry your time here was full of hospital visits and keeping you away from everything and everyone. As your mom I wish I could have done more for you. Made your life a little bit more pleasant and without all this problems you had. Everyone tells me I gave you the best of everything and that I gave you all my love and didn’t care to spend all my time with you at the hospital. I still don’t think that’s enough like I said I wish there was more I could have done. You were here for such a short time baby that I cant help but think this way. Why did it have to happen to you? Why did you have to been born with that nasty immune disorder that no one knew about. Why you?? Those are questions ill never get an answer to and it kills me little by little not knowing.
I’m writing this letter to you mostly because I want to say im sorry. Sorry for ever telling you no to something. Sorry if I didn’t get to you quick enough when you were hurting or just wanted mommy. Sorry I kept you so sheltered from the world. Sorry that thanks to me and you dad you were born with that disorder. I’m sorry I wasted time on other things instead of you. I’m sorry if you ever felt scared and I wasn’t there to hug and comfort you. I’m just so very sorry that your not here with me no more. I wish I can go back and instead of doing other things I could spend every minute with you and just be able to hold you in my arms forever and never have to let you go.
When well I ever get to hold you again or kiss you? I wish I knew maybe it well give me something to look forward to. I know your enjoying your life up in heaven free of pain something I wish I could’ve gave to you here. You must be one beautiful angel up there oh how I wish I could see you. Well I wish you could respond to my letter but I know that’s impossible. Well I love you sweet baby and once again im sorry for everything bad in your life that I wasn’t able to take away. Just know I love you and I tried my hardest to make your life the best one and I hope you had almost 3 wonderful years with us because I sure did. You left me so many memories ill treasure for the rest of my life. I love you!!
With so much love and pain,
YOUR MAMI
XOXO
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