Getting to know me

Hello.

First of I just wanted to let everyone know that this is my first post, actually my first Blog also. I really wanted something were i can just let my feelings all out. So I'll start of by letting everyone get to know me. I'll try to make it short.

I am  23 years old (well be 24 in march), I just got married this Friday (yay). I currently live in Houston but grew up in Napa, California. I have four brothers and no sister (Bummer). I love reading, walks, family time, church, being a SAHM  but most of all I love my sons.  Oh I just realized I haven't mentioned my name oops!! Well my name is Angeles but most people call me Angel.

So i'll start of with letting ya'll I am a mother of two boys. They are the best thing that i have (had) in my life. They are My Hector and My Julian. I put had because I only have my Julian with me. My first born passed away about 6 months ago. Oh how i miss him so much. He was a very happy boy had a smile that melted your heart. He was 3 months short of being 3  years old. He was born with a very rare immune disorder. Doctors really didn't know much about it  and didn't really know how to treat it. So they decided a Bonemarrow Transplant was the best option but it came with a lot of risks since he was alrwady very sick. We decided to do it because we wanted to give him a chance to be with us and to experince this crazy world we live in. After he got his transplant everything was going great and we all thought soon he would be like any normal kid his age. That's all we wanted for him. Then he started with really bad cough that they tried treating but nothing was working. So they did a Lung Biopsy to try to figure what was going on. 

The day I took him in for the procedure was the last day I saw him walking, playing, or just being himself. The procedure went great and he did fine woke up with no problems. As the days past he started getting worse instead of better. His caugh was at its worst and he started needing oxygen. Then one night it was so bad that evn a simple thing like drinking water hurt him. It breaks My heart  thinking about that day he would ask for water and he couldn't even drink it. That night he needed more oxygen then they Could give him in the BMT unit. So they took him down to The  PICU  and that would be the last time My Baby would ever call me MOMMY. They had to intubate him and with his caugh they had to give him medacation to paraliyze him so he wouldnt caugh. Then on june 26 they let him wake up for a while he opened his eyes for the very last time. Four days later he passed away. 

I'll never forget that day. The way all of a sudden the doctors came in and told me that there was nothing else they could do for him. After they told me this it was just 2hours before he left me forever. I sat next to his bed holding his little feet and hand and talked to him threw his passing. I told him not to be afraid that mommy wasen't going to be with him no longer but he was going to be with someone better. That were he was going was beautiful and to not be scared. Watching him pass away was the hardest thing of my life. I felt so hopeless the min he passed away he took a piece of my heart that i'll never have back. I wait for the day we meet again. 

Then just 2short months later My Julian was born. to bring a little sunshine into my world. God does amazing things that well never understand. Julian is my example of that he came at a time when i had nothing to live for and thought I would never be happy again. His my reason to wake up everyday. He keeps me going and makes my life a little bit easier to deal with. To be honest I don't know were I would be today if I didn't have him with me. I love him to pieces just as much as i love his big brother they mean everything to me. 

Well never understand God's decisions for us but we always know thar he'll help us get threw everything he lays out in front of us. I am thankful for my FAITH because its wat makes me get threw everything in my life.

-ANGEL-